One of Those Days...Again

You can tell most people you are having "one of those days", and they will nod sympathetically at you. But anyone who live with a mood disorder, knows this is not a run of the mill, crappy luck, tomorrow will be better kind of a day.  This is a, I had to decide whether to get out of bed kind of a day. The kind of day where you are miserable in your own skin.  The kind of day where you feel the overwhelming urge to cry at any given moment, in public, and somewhat hysterically. The kind of day where you are miserable to be around, and you are ok with that, because it is also the kind of day where most people make you want to kick them (or cry...or both). You don't want to be hugged, even by the people you love. Sometimes even by your own child. You don't want to talk to, or smile at strangers. You don't want to move because it just takes too much freaking energy. The worst part of it all, is that this is one of those kind of days that most people DON'T understand, nor can you explain it. It is not that anything especially bad or upsetting happened. Yeah, everyone has bad days, or bad moods, but this is beyond that. This is misery beyond what most people understand. This is depression. Not depression the mood, but depression the disorder. Which means it maybe truly just be "one of those days" because there was extra stress, or you didn't get enough sleep, or because you've had a hormone shift. OR it could be "one of those days" that settles in and stays for awhile, weeks maybe. The not knowing sometimes makes you even more miserable. Wondering how many of "those days" lie ahead before you begin to feel normal again (whatever that is.) Today was one of those days. God, how I hope tomorrow is a new day.