It has been awhile since I written a blog entry. There has been too much going on to be able to document how I was feeling. Plus, with all the emotional turmoil, once I get the kid in bed, all I want is sleep!
Anyway, It only seems appropriate that I re-enter the blogaspher, with a lessons learned blog. So here goes...
What I have learned over the last month:
I am stronger than I think. More than once, recently, I have felt like I just could not take any more stress, pain, anxiety, whatever. Some days have been more of a struggle than others, but I have gotten through them all. One day at a time, one step at a time.
Good friends are an asset one should NOT underestimate. I have a really incredible group of friends who will support me through anything, who do not judge me for my mistakes, and who love me more unconditionally than ANY man ever has. (Some of them even cook me REALLY yummy food!) Leaning on them when I need to, has helped me immeasurably.
I am not the sum of my problems/ illnesses. I maybe sick (still no diagnosis). I may suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. I may have made some stupid choices in my life, but none of that defines me, it just adds depth!
Nose rings and medical tests don't mix. Damn thing was harder to get out than I expected, and it once I took it out the hole closed up in like no time flat!
People can surprise you. While my mother still seems to be having trouble full understanding clinical depression, she is for the first time in my life, talking how it effects my daily life, and stress level. She is also accepting, and encouraging me to continue on my medication and in counseling. BIG STEP!!!!
Broken promises can break relationships. If you break a promise by mistake, or on purpose, it changes your relationship with the person to whom the promise was made. Even little promises can add up to BIG mistrust and hurt feelings. respect the trust and feelings of those you love, own up to your mistakes, and (even though its a cliche) trust is something not easily earned.
Learn from your mistakes. Take ownership of all you do and say. even though we teach our children it is ok to make a mistake, we rarely believe it for ourselves. But it is ok. Embrace it, even if it feels uncomfortable, and above all learn from it. Be stronger, smarter, better because of it.
I love arts and crafts! There really is no better therapy for me than art therapy. It is an outlet for all I hold inside. It clears my mind, and makes me happy. It is also a great way to communicate and connect with my girly girl.
HAVE SOME FUN!!!! Once the depression hits I find it far too easy to shut myself off from the world, lock myself up at home, and sit around analyzing where I went wrong, over, and over, and over, and over (well you get it.) Anyone who suffers from depression knows, this only fuels the fire. Self analysis is great, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing!
I actually kind-a like....me. Huh, who knew!? Yeah I'm quirky, I love aluminium Christmasmas trees, and campy roadside attractions. But, after hours of analysis (see above) I have decided I am not as bad as I thought i was. I am smart, cute, hysterical (just trust me on that one) talented, and AMAZING momma, and a good person. I could be worse!
