Just Ok is Not Ok

I have not been writing much lately. It seems that life was pretty much kicking my a$$. In fact here is a list of other things I usually enjoy but have not been doing:
eating (I have one hell of a sweet tooth)
reading (books or blogs)
drawing
working full-time
playing with my kids
being outside
snuggling up for a nap with my dog
having sex
watching Jon Stewart...

I am sure you get the point. Here is what I have been doing:
sleeping (mostly during the day)
going to counseling (2x a week now)
increasing my meds
shaking
yelling
going from one medical test to another
dodging bill collectors
feeling nauseous
fighting with Chuck...

Again, I am guessing you get it. I am depressed and I am physically sick, and my sickness is making me depressed, and my depression is making me sick. My whole life feels like it is spinning out of control, and I am not saying this for dramatic effect, but I am motivated. I want to make changes. I want to regain control over the craziness (and by that I mean my life not my mental health). The biggest problem being that I have NO IDEA how to make these changes. I have spent weeks looking for the "redo" button, but came up with nothing. At this point, I would relocate, take a new job, refinance, rework, redo, go back to school if I thought it would help.

It seems, I have put myself in a situation where I am depending on people who are not reliable. So I find myself trying to cater to all these peoples needs and putting my priorities aside to pacify people who honestly, don't always treat me well because I feel like I need their help. I just don't know how to break away, and every time I get close some major drama happens. I feel like I have completely lost my sense of independence, my sense of self, along with my way in life.

I am ok. I am not fatally ill, I am not homeless, I am not starving, I am not alone. I am ok, but I am just ok, and I am not ok with just getting by. I want better, I deserve more, but I don't know how to get more. Have you gotten a new beginning? How did you do it? I know people do it, especially people who have depression, or other mental illnesses. They find healthier, less stressful, ways to live their lives, and I admire their strength. I admire their willingness to make their health a priority. I want need to simplify my life.  It shouldn't be this hard. Life should not be this hard. Any ideas how to start?