I am beginning to LOVE Grumble Sundays! I hope you are ok with a little venting this weekend. Ok or not here goes...
I am a Gemini, in addition to, one of those "creative types". This means my world is not black and white, it has many, many shades of gray (or even grey). I am a brainstormer, a ponderer, here in the USA I am what they might call a flip flopper. I am one of those people who doesn't buy and outfit until I have check several stores, just in case there is something better at the next store. I can't help it, it's just the way I do things. If I am upset about something, I talk about it a lot, sometimes to many people. It is how I process events and emotions. I try not to reacted to things I find upsetting or bothersome right away. I process it first, look at it from other angles. I have found my first reaction to sometimes be very emotional and often defensive, and while occasionally that reaction is called for, often it is not. It may take me a day, or even a week to react, and even then I may fine that whatever it was, is really just not worth the time and the energy, and having already ranted about it, I just move on.
Now that I have rambled on in this way for a full paragraph I will get on with the grumble part now. I will break it down to two words: UNSOLICITED ADVICE let me first explain that I am well aware that the more people you talk to about a problem the more opinions you will get. I like opinions. It is part of my process, my brainstorming, gathering of various perspectives. However, there are times when I JUST need to vent. I just want to be able to voice my concerned in an environment that is open and safe. With someone who hears them and wants to know, understand how I feel. I don't want, or need, other people to solve my issues for me, and there is no need to shove your opinion on how I should handle my life's problems down my throat. First, because I'm not asking you to fix anything, and second, because it is after all, me that has to live with the consequences of both the problem and the solution. By insisting that you know EXACTLY what I need to do you are not helping me be more decisive it is just upsetting me more. I am alright with my process. I am ok with gray. I realize that it maybe frustrating for those who care about me to see me upset and not offer their advice. I just wish they could see that it is not helping me, it just makes me feel more anxious, and upset. Please just listen to me, let me vent, let me talk, and then let me process. Please!
Okay. I won't give advice. It is hard for me. The way I care for people is by trying to solve their problems. So, I start to problem-solve and think of solution right off. Lately this is causing me grief and I feel it must be an approach that people don't much appreciate. I hear you say this and I am also hearing family of my own say this of late. I realize we all have our ways of dealing and we find what suits us and we stick.
ReplyDeleteI want to be a better listener and not so much a problem-solver. I think I will work on this. So, vent away ...sometimes that is what each one of us needs. I understand.