Purple Elephants

So Chuck has accused me of liking funky things just to get back at my family, who is very into having a good appearance to the outside world. Truth is, I spent a lot of years trying to live up to their standards. It never worked out for me. Partly, because no one could be as perfect as what they wanted, partly because it just wasn't me. So yeah, I have tattoos, piercings, and now purple hair, but not to annoy them or to needle them in anyway. More because it is a way of connecting with myself. A way of expression, and a way of reminding myself that I don't have t be perfect. I don't have to look like everyone else. I don't even have to look the way other people think I should look. It is ok for me to be whoever I want.

Sadly, I left the hair salon feeling good. Liking the new brightened, up funky me. As I put on make-up and got ready for dinner with my family I was already plotting what "excuses" I was going to give my parents about the color of my hair. AT dinner I found myself explaining how I did not really mean for it to be so bright, how I let my stylist choose the color. All of this was true, but the truth is I kind of like the color. Makes me feel bright and funky, more like an artist and less like soccer mom. Sometimes just being around them, always feeling like someone is judging me, always feeling like I have to answer to them, even though I am in my 30s brings me down in and of itself. Sometimes though I feel sad for them though. They have two amazing daughters who they will never see for who they REALLY are. Never see how talented, smart, fun, creative, and brave we are. Brave enough too be what we believe in instead of what we are told to be. Choosing instead to believe us to be only a good or bad reflection of themselves. So they hate my tattooed body, and my purple hair because other people may not like it or may think I am strange. They cannot even see the person under the purple hair. The person THEY created. I will keep my purple hair (at least until I need a new pick me up) and there will probably be more tattoos because I need to stay in touch with the part of me who loves things that are different just so I can continue to believe in myself, my creativity, and my belief that you can be whoever you want in this world.