Rant

Okay, ok I admit it! I have been in self pity mode a lot lately, and today,  today is another one of those days. Actually, it is not so much self pity as much as it is an overwhelming hatred of my current life. (Notice I say current) I know I have things to be thankful for and blessing that other people don't have, but right now I am pissed of and in need of a good rant. This seems to be a more appropriate place than say...work, so bare with me while I let fly a bit. Here is the short list of crap I am sick of:

First I am pretty sure if I was a horse, someone would take me out back and shot me rather than pay my vet bills. Vicodin warranting pain for over a week now with little relief. Getting worse when ever I eat or move around too much. No that in and of itself is freakin annoying, as are the plethora of medical test I have had to have to try to diagnose the cause of pain, but to add injury to insult (or insult to injury, I always forget which way that goes) the last time I had this pain they took an organ and I am still in pain! That wasn't the first time they cut me open for this either. That was surgery #2 and guess what, I STILL don't know what's wrong with me! Now for an added twist they think something might be wrong with my kidneys (hopefully not) as well as whatever digestive issues they think I have. I am so tired of being tested, poked, prodded and having NO answers at the end.

Then there are the girls. Both sweet, kind hearted little girls who have NO idea how to live together or share my attention. One because she has spent the last 6 years as a fairly spoiled only child (that would be my daughter) and the other because she has never had someone pay so much attention to her and is still constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY) vying for your attention, even if she already has your attention. They are constantly bickering over toys, talking over each other, whining that one is getting something the other is not, and arguing over who sits in my lap. Never mind the fact that NEITHER of them can actually sit on my lap because I am in so much friggin pain.

Chuck and I are constantly having heated conversations about everything. We are both continuously on empty both physically and emotionally. He is permanently on the defensive and I swing between wanting to disappear and wanting to scream until somebody listens to me. Mix that with his ADD and my being drugged for pain constantly. Its not good. Tonight my daughter said "Oh no you don't love Chuck anymore. You argue all the time now. So you are not going to get married and he is going to leave, and Sally won't get to live with us any more. Oh no, oh no." (Sigh) while I am trying to explain that's not true Chuck is saying "I'm not arguing with anyone." Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Then there is money. We have WAY too little of it, and have not been good...ahhhh never mind I lost my Rant now.