This week I learned something so important to me. All this time I have thought of myself a weak. Because of the depression. Because of my failed marriage. Because my current marriage is not very stable. Because of my anxiety. Because I am not always as assertive as I should be. Because I just don't think of myself as the Joan of Arc type, though I wish I were.
Well, this week that changed a little. This week had been really beating me up emotionally, as well as, physically.in the midst of that was my baby girl. My wise beyond her years, little wonder. She spotted me crying and immediately wanted to run to my side. Her grandmother said "your Momma is ok. Sometimes even grown-ups need to cry, but she's ok" and my daughter responded with "but you don't understand, Momma only cries when she is really hurt". At that moment I realized that, not only do I have the sweetest child on the planet, but that in her eyes I am strong. I am strong until I can no longer be strong, and even then I'm strong for a little longer. In her eyes, her Momma was not weak, not clinically depressed, but a strong woman. And if he Momma was crying, it was not for no reason, someone had hurt her.
Wow, what a wonderful feeling to not only feel how much your child loves you, but that she thinks you are strong enough to stand alone most of the time. To feel that to see me cry meant someone or something bad must have happened, because her strong Momma would not cry unless she was really hurt. Made me proud of myself, and proud of her. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say.
Thank you for sharing this! She is wonderfully smart for taking notice that you are always strong but that something had changed and it hurt you! What a sweet little lady she is!
ReplyDeleteChildren are a wonder with their untainted eyes and pure selves to show to us. They see us as we really are so listen to your little one. She is right. You have been strong and strong and strong. Just as there are times to keep it together there are times to let go and cry. Even in front of our little ones. It is doing her a good service to show here that life isn't all cotton candy. There is struggle, pain and discourse. These things are the things that make us see the light. Make us see the positives of our days. Without them life would not feel as full on the good days. You are teaching your daughter the true and real life lessons. Just remember that. Those of us that cry are still strong. We are just letting out steam (like a steam engine does) and then we jug along some more. :) sending my love.
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