Unconditional

There is a quote by Marilyn Monroe that I love.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

We all have quirks, insecurities, and imperfections, but we all deserve someone who loves us and accepts us exactly as we are. Unconditional love.

The challenge for me is accepting myself. I so easily remember the times I have fallen short. The time I have lost control. The time I was insecure, and allowed that to make me do or say something I was later ashamed of. I let those moments replay in my mind over and over like a bad movie. I relive them as though I am right there in that moment again. Often letting one bad memory trigger another, and another until I have reach full downward spiral. Until I no longer trust my own judgement. Then I allow myself to feel this disappointment in myself so strongly that it stops me from moving ahead. I become frozen in self doubt and fear. Weighed down by my own judgment and self-doubt. Sinking in emotional quicksand.

I am unable to see myself in any way other than bad or negative. I look past my good nature, my ablity to see the best in people (even when I souls not) my sense of & humor, my creative nature, my maternal ablities, my generosity, and most if all my courage. I am continuously looking at other people and think how couragously they are living life. Standing up for their believes, being whomever they want, in spite of what others might say or think. I can not see myself in this light. It depresses me, make me feel weak, lesser. I am striving to reach the end of that quote. Instead, continuing to feel my best is yet to come, and maybe it is, but what am I missing today by allowing myself to be held back by the past?

In order for others to love and accept me wholly, and unconditionally, I must do the same for myself. I must forgive myself, let myself go, move forward lighter, clearer, more confident, and happier. I need to live by the words of Miss Monroe.