Perspective

And my sister said, "I can believe you're going to just let this girl walk all over you..." I have played it over and over in my head for several weeks now. Each time I feel the lump in my throat, as I think to myself, "What? Why would your sister think that? Why would you think that? How could I be walking all over you? Don't you see everything I've done for you, for us? How many times I tried to support you, help you, take care of you? Couldn't you see the pressure I was under, how much fell in my shoulders? Couldn't you tell I was crumbling under the weight of it all? And you, don't you see how badly you hurt me? How I would have done anything you needed? All I wanted was to be able to count on you when I needed you? To feel like you would also do anything for me? Why don't you see that? I am not perfect. I am not without blame, but walking all over you? Treated you badly? Is that truly how you see me? Is that how you view us? How can that be?"

"I can't believe you're going to let this girl walk all over you."
"What?"

Everyone has their own perspective, their own opinions, and their own feelings. But what do you do when your perspective and feels so far away from the other persons that it feels as if you are not even talking about the same event? It sometimes makes me question my own judgment and sanity. How could I have perceived things so in accurately? I don't understand. Are there other events in my life that are not what I thought they were? Is my perspective screwed on other people who feel have hurt me? Am I just getting what I deserve? I don't know any more.

"I can't believe you're going to let this girl walk all over you."
"What?"
"Well you did treat me pretty bad."

The pain, the guilt, and the anger clinging to me like the sticky strings if a spider web. Freeing myself of one feeling, just means I get caught up in another, and once free of that, I find that some little piece of that original web is still stuck to me. Sometime I can't even see the web anymore, but I feel it. I know that it is still there. I am not quite able to free myself of the past without unraveling the entire web of mistakes. I don't know how to do that. I thought that I had knocked this web clean and was free of it, but now I see that it was just so finely spun that I didn't see it until I walked right into it again.

"I can't believe you're going to let this girl walk all over you."
"What?"
"Well, you did treat me pretty bad"
"I did everything I could to help you..."