Goldfish Memory

"They say goldfish have no memories. I guess there lives are much like mine, and the little plastic castle is a surprise everytime."-Ani Difranco

I was going to write a blog on the affects of depression, anxiety, and psyc meds on one's memory...but I forgot! No, no, no I am not joking. I was thinking this morning that I wanted to write about my recent increase of meds, and how that, mixed with my depression and anxiety have made it really hard to form full thoughts. When I got to my computer I opened up Blogger, I looked at my dashboard to check my stats, and then sat here blankly staring at the screen thinking "What was it I was thinking about writing about today?" UGGGGHHHH

Sadly, this is not totally uncommon for me. I think of myself as a fairly intelligent person, but when my depression peaks, it is like my mind jut turns mooshy. If you add to that an increase in medications, a change, or addition of medications, ohhhh it's not good. I currently take 2 anti-depressants, 1 anti-anxiety med, migraine meds, Ambien for sleep, AND muscel relaxants from time to time. They just upped my anti-depressant by 20mg and doubled my anti-anxiety. Neadless to say, I have trouble remembering little things, like where I left my cell phone, or the name of the neighbor dog. Often times I will find my mind empty, I will be looking at the neighbor dog (I have had the same neighbor dogs for 4 years) I will know I know the dog's name, but I will come up with nothing, not even the beginning letter. This is especially problematic at work, where as a sales person in a small business, I am often juggling a number of things at a time. I am also a single mom. My daughter, now 7 will say to me, "Momma I didn't brush my teeth" or "Momma what about my hair." I try to remind myself that it is ok, that SHE is ok even if I forget to make her brush before bedtime, but I often feel a pang of guilt about it. Then there is the driving! Sometimes, I get to my destination and have trouble remembering the actual journey there. Or I loose my car in the parking lot. Interesting house, horses, signs along side the road...let's just say, I am grateful for rumble strips. I constantly feel like I am walking around in this weird hypnotic state.

And then there is talking. WOW, that can be tricky! It is like my brain, and my tongue are no long connected. I stutter. I stop mid-sentance. I forget what word I was going to use. I switch letters around so I am dalking the wog, intead of walking the dog. Sometimes mid sentance, I will trail off and just loose my thought all together. People that have to deal with me must think I am a total bird brain, while those close to me imediately reconise it. It is REALLY frustrating. Especially when I KNOW what I am trying to say, but can not seem to get the words out, or when I just trip over my own words over and over. I want to carry a sign around that says "I am NOT stupid, or drunk, but please speak slowly I AM heavily medicated. (trust me it's for the best for everyone)"

Does this happen to everyone? Is it a common problem for people with mental health issues? Good golly I hope I'm not alone in this!!!