Unexpected

So yesterday the call came, The call we have been both dreading and hoping for. Child services was at Chuck's ex's apartment and called to say that he needed to come get his daughter or she would go to into foster care. Her mother was going to "take care of some of her problems." and her half brother has enough psychological issues at less than 10 years of age, that he has been hospitalized three times now. So with as little as 1 hours warning, I have a new 4 year old (almost) step-daughter living with me. I have been joking that we are a Maxwell House family (instant) but inside I am scared to death. My new daughter is on Seriquil and receives in home therapy from the state. It has been speculated that she is on the autism spectrum. Though her father and I suspect that the issues were more environmental than developmental. We are currently making arrangements to get her re-evaluated. I really want to change her life for the better, but I am worried that we won't be able to. We are in the process of turning the play room into her first room, and getting her first bed. For 2 years now she has slept, with her mother, on a mattress on the living room floor, or on a couch. Her whole little world has been flipped on its head, and yet she is amazingly happy, and calm about it. My daughter too has been amazingly accepting and resilient in this situation, granted it is only day 2, but still. Chuck and I have been freaking out! Of course, that is our jobs as parents. Which, I guess, is why MY mother is freaking out. She is being less than supportive about the whole situation. She is scared about how Chuck's daughter, and her unstable mother, may affect my daughter. Of course I am too, but I have thought all of that through already. As I stated in my I Am OK With My Elephant post, I AM capable of taking care of myself and my daughter. I am able to deal with difficult situations. I am strong, I am smart, and I have depression. I am treated and I am not afraid to ask for help. In fact, both Chuck and I have been overwhelmed by the out pouring of support and help that my friends have offered since journey started a few weeks ago. My counselor has been instrumental in helping me keep my head together and even helped Chuck look for a new counselor for himself. My friends have called and messaged me to make sure we are ok. One friend gave me a whole pep-talk about how this was my chance to change this little girl's life and make a real difference. He told me how he thought I was a great mom and how this little girl REALLY needs people to love her right now. My cousin has been helping me negotiate the world of kids on the spectrum, and all the agencies that can help us. Another friend gave us a bed, and is lending us some clothes. My co-worker's mother wants to make both girls a quilt for their rooms. It is truly touching, and it gives me hope that we will be truly be able to make lemonade, for us and for this little girl. After all it is not her fault that all of this has happened. She deserves someone to do right by her. She deserves to be some one's priority. She deserves some stability, and some unconditional love. I hope we can do that for her. 

Just Hug Me

Do you ever just wish you could lay your head on some one's shoulder and have the weight taken off of your shoulders for just a moment? I am really feeling lately and I am wishing someone could lighten the load for me just for an hour or so. In my estimation, that is one of the main problems that Chuck and I seem to have. We are both struggling right now, both depressed, and both stressed, both anxious. I mean who wouldn't be? All of the stress with Chuck's daughter, him not having a job, my job not being stable, both of already having a history of anxiety and depression. Chuck spoke to Child Services today, and it sounded as though some of his concerns about his daughter's mother had not been looked into, which means more waiting, more stress. It is hard to support someone when you are feeling so down yourself. It all makes our home feel very tense, not like the safe haven we would like it to be. Is there a way to shut out the world when the world seems to be continually banging on your door? What happens if the world doesn't even knock, just barges right in and makes themselves at home? Or what if one of you is inviting the world in, but the other wants to keep them out? We have that issue often too. The whole situation with Chuck's daughter is feeling more, and more serious and urgent to me now, yet there is nothing I can do about any of it. I feel helpless, nervous, and like I am just weighting for a cat to pounce. I do not trust his ex. She does not see the world as others do, and she often blames Chuck for situations, she herself has created. And I do not mean in the traditional my ex is such a jerk sense, but more a I know I am unable to function and care for my child so I am going to accuse her father of something even more disturbing and scary so I look good sense. I am so confused, and scared, and angry with this woman. Wait...wait...wait...today's blog is about support right? Sorry like I said before. THIS is what seems to have CONSUMED our life for the last week. I just need some love, and some support and a HUGE hug, and I know Chuck does too. I just don't know why we seem unable to give that too each other when we are in the same house.