Am I Angry...or am I Growing?

Once you become a grown up, you kinda get that life isn't always fair...or at least you should. Also, as an adult you can of except that, right? I mean most days I am ok with it. My life is not perfect, but I have a lot to be thankful for too. Lately, though...not so much. I have been having a rough week...errr month...ummm...let's say year, and frankly I am start to reach my limit. I am really, really angry, and frankly I know there is not a damn thing I can do about it, but vent. In the last year Chuck and I have both lost jobs, we have both had loved ones die, I have been hospitalized and had to have surgery. We have had battles with each other, exes, with my family, and several emergencies/ major dramas involving his daughter. WTH? What have I done to deserve all of this? I am a good person. I try to be goood to others. I work hard. I would move mountains for my family, and espcially my child. I am honest, and kind, socially minded, compassionate. Yet it just continues to build. I believe strongly that everything happens for a reason, and that the greatest amount of growth comes out of the biggest challenges, but yow! How much did I need to learn/ grow? I once heard a person on the radio talking about his belief in God. He explained that we all assume God put us here to find happiness and fulfillment, but what if that's not true? What if God put us here to learn from each other, to grow as individuals, and as a species? And when do we grow the most? Is it when you are happy and fulfilled? No. It is often when you are facing adversity. I often remember that when I am feeling especially angry, tired, overwhelmed, or hopeless. It helps me to look at the bigger picture instead of that moment of pain. Lately, I think I have been forgetting that. The moment of pain is becoming one day of crisis after another and it is hard to see beyond that. Then it becomes easy to begin to loose hope, easy to start to point fingers at those around me, and even easier to beat myself up. Angry is a legitimate feeling. Something we all experience, but it is also something that can distroy you slowly, if you allow it too. I am bigger than that! I am better than that! I am alright with the fact that I get angry. It can help motivate change, but I can not let it consume who I am. I will focus on finding real,proactive ways to deal with it. I am going to choose to believe that this" string of bad luck" shall we say, is just a path to something bigger than I am able to see right now. I will continue to have faith in what is meant to be.